Military vs. Civilian: The Truth Behind The Myths

Fellow blogger, Emma Banks, contacted me about collaborating together on a piece that has to do with a number of common misconceptions surrounding the civilian job search and application process for those who have served/are serving in the military and their families.  I feel like this is a crucial piece to be informed about because there are possible scenarios that our soldiers are faced with when making decisions about their future employment.  There is an employment coordination program for military members and family members that may be effective for them, though they were not effective or helpful at all for me.  However, here is some information that is helpful for our soldiers transitioning back into the civilian workforce that will be useful.

Getting to the Truth: Job Myths That Hold Veterans Back

All of you who are veterans, or who will soon be veterans, know how difficult the transition to civilian life can be for both yourselves and your families. Whether your time in the military was relatively short or a long career, the thought of moving into a new career and the stresses of job hunting can seem daunting. However, do not be discouraged! As a veteran, you have not only served our country, but you have also proved yourselves capable of surviving and thriving in extraordinarily difficult circumstances; you can take that resilience and adaptability into the job market. Knowing you've been tempered in some of the toughest fires, you should not just be seeking any job, you should use this time to follow your dream career.

It's also important to keep in mind that there are number of myths out there about job hunting and about job hunting for veterans in particular. Some of them are outdated and others seem like common sense but simply aren't true. Here are a few common myths, and the reality behind them:

Myth #1: People don't want to be asked to give references; they will find it an imposition to be asked.

Truth: If it's someone who thinks highly enough of you that you want to use them as a reference, that person will welcome the opportunity to help you out. In addition, giving out a reference is easier now than ever before – companies such as JIBE, a mobile recruiting specialist company, have developed social referral tools that allow you to use sites like LinkedIn and Facebook to connect with people and solicit referrals.

Myth #2: I can't get a job because I am a disabled veteran.

Truth: Although it may feel like this sometimes, there are actually quite a number of programs that exist specifically to help disabled veterans find civilian employment. The US Department of Veterans Affairs has a list of programs include training, counseling, and job searching services right on their website.

Myth #3: I won't get the job unless I have the best qualifications.

Truth: Having the minimum qualifications is necessary, but beyond that, companies often look at how a person actually fits in with the overall culture of the company. Someone who meets the minimum qualifications but has a great personality can definitely have a shot at the position over someone who may have more than the minimum qualifications, but not a great personality. Remember, it’s the skills that can be taught, not personality and character! In fact, nearly half of executives rely on gut instinct when making hiring decisions; so don’t let yourself get in your own way of pursuing a job you could be great for!

Myth #4: I learned a lot while working in the military, but I’m not going to be able to find civilian work that is similar to what I was doing – and liked to do – while in the military.

Truth: While it’s true that the military is of itself a unique “work environment,” that doesn’t mean there aren’t other jobs in the civilian workplace where you can’t use the skills you have and follow your passion. May of what you learned and used in the military are skills that companies desire in an employee. To find the types of jobs there are available in which you can continue to do similar work as you did while an active service member, try using the Skills Translator – it allows you to enter in your military branch, your pay grade, your job position, and more.

With these myths debunked, you can now go about transitioning to the civilian workforce with a renewed sense of confidence and motivation. You have done a great duty in serving our country, and now it is your time to pursue the career of your dreams!

Emma is a mid 20-something year old with a passion for life, love, fitness, and helping others. She loves to be active and get involved in as many sport and community activities as possible. Emma is currently studying to become a Career & Life Coach, and loves to network with people from around the world! Check out Emma’s blog at http://smileasithappens.blogspot.com/! 

Reunion Jitters

I am realizing that I am scared of my reunion with my husband.  I have had no contact with him for so long; No intimacy, I have not been touched, not been given husbandly affection, no physical contact...you get the idea.  I am a person that required cuddling and many, many hugs, regularly, and it went to zero. I have come to find comfort in zero contact, comfort with being alone.

The overreaction that I had the other day just goes to show how I may need to seek some conversations with a counselor once again to allow myself to be open to the fact that there is a person that I am married to that I will need to be intimate with once again. It's easier to create a fight than face my feelings about a bigger issue.

My husband said, "look, if you have a problem, all you have to do is let me know and ask for an explanation, not make this into a bigger thing."

The excess amount of pictures that he posted to Facebook were literally due to the stupid smoke that I mentioned and the new camera that took multiple photos at one time to document it. Still stupid though.  And ridiculous!  Knowing my husband and his patterns with certain things, I believe it to be true.

Yeah, I made it into something bigger than what it was, but I realize now what I'm having a problem with: the idea of reintegration.

He later went on to say, "Hi sprinkles! Don't let something like that bother you, you have nothing to worry about.  I miss you, love you, and am coming home to you."

I am not afraid of my husband.  I think I'm just afraid of being held, being shown love again, being hugged, having emotions, being kissed, etc. I lost that. It was put on hold. Damn! Just thinking about it, I don't even know if I can go back to being the mushy person I was before he left. I feel like that side of myself was literally turned off.  I feel as if I am the soldier, with no emotions left to show affection and vulnerability.

I may be making it harder than what it needs to be.  But these are real feelings. I wonder if he is just as scared as I am.

P.S. His tungsten rings were "dirt cheap."  <<still shaking my head>>

Suddenly Struck With Jealousy

I'm not a jealous woman. Sure, I have been insecure in my marriage in the past, but there were reasons for that. The source of my insecurity came from justifiable reasons, too.  My husband gave me legitimate reasons to doubt. And we worked on those reasons thoroughly. This is how we are still together. However! When I saw that he posted 19 photos of the same woman he's deployed with in different poses of her smoking her hookah, plus a photo that looks as if this woman is sitting on his lap, a red flag went up.  Call it a jealous fit of rage if you want. But I will be dammed if he thinks he can get away with this.

Like I said before, I'm a reasonable person. I've just been thrown around one too many times to just let this simply roll off of me like it means nothing whatsoever.

He couldn't take his wedding ring with him, so he gave it to me for safe keeping. I wear it every day to finally be able to put it back on his finger once reunited.  Yet, in yet another photo he just posted, he has another ring on his right hand.  Seriously, I need answers right now.  I don't care if it's the end of his deployment of not. I will not be toyed with.  I am just as delicate as he may be right now, if not more, or so the reunion briefing notes taught me.  I am a woman who deserves the best. Not this. Not photos of the same woman 19 times! He should have photos of ME 19 times!

I know I'm overreacting. But it just makes me sick that he still has to remember to think and remember that he has a wife who has feelings! I told him to "take those million photos of his fucking girlfriend off of Facebook now."  I'm such a bitch. But I'm really not. He just needs to understand what is acceptable. And 19 photos of a woman that is not me, is not. I am not out of line here. What does he need 19 photos of her for? No, seriously. Why?  Is the hookah smoke that cool? Because quite frankly, it's just smoke.

Way to justify your behavior, Jessica. Fucking ridiculous. <<shaking my head at my damn self>>

This Darn 50's Obsession

So, yeah, I've officially put myself into a pinup magazine contest. Am I seriously doing this? Why, yes I am.  And, like I've said before...When I commit to something, it's ALL the way.

http://thepinupmag.com/pinupcontest/

In the next two weeks, I will actually be preparing for the pinup contest I will be participating in, in Wisconsin.  I wanted to make sure to have a few photos with me when I go up.  I did a photo shoot last Sunday, on cinco de mayo, of all days, with my best friend, Allison, and Ray Steup, who are both amazing photographers with their own styles.  I had SO much fun.

Hues of Blue

Since I've begun my position, I feel like I have been the busiest person on the planet.  The change of pace has led me to believe that I am seriously on overdrive pushing forward, full speed ahead.  I don't have too much time for much of anything other than my job.  It's kind of funny because I've experienced the extremes.  Before I had my job, I had all the time in the world.  Now that I have my job, I have no time at all; or so it seems.  I have learned that I started my job during our busy season: the end of the academic school year and the beginning of our summer academy program.  So this means, last minute scrambling to get some things accomplished before school is out, with me learning as I go.

Yo Yo's AKA my coffee refuge

I told a colleague of mine that my office has literally become my second home and Yo Yo's (a frozen yogurt and coffee shop in our building) coffee house blend has become my official beverage.  I've even become a Yo Yo's rewards member.  What a coffee snob! (It's only been 3 weeks to accomplish coffee snobdom). haha!

As a result, work has kept me in the office until around 8pm almost every evening since I've started, including Saturday's.  I am definitely learning how much time is needed to devote to this position.  Within that time, I think  that my husband may be worried, concerned, I don't know...somethin'! He asked, "Do you always have to work those type of hours?"  Which then led him to say, "It will be interesting to see how our relationship turns out."

Now, I don't know about him, but I sure hope he realizes that he's been gone for an entire year, with absolutely no contact with me whatsoever, other than an occasional conversation on the phone or on Skype.  With that said, when he comes home, it's not like he's going to have absolutely no contact with me.  So, I'm just like...brush it off, Jess, brush it off.  But, I'm not gonna lie...it bothered me that he said that.  I have endured an entire year without him.  And he's now wondering how our relationship turns out because of my job? What about HIS job? grrrr.

I don't want to assume. But, dammit, come on!  I'm not a pinball machine! I'm not a yo yo, either.  First it's, get a job. Next it's, oh, you can't get time off? Now it's, your hours suck, then it's, we'll see how it all turns out?  I like to think of myself as an optimistic person with occasional touches of pessimism, but dammit! These hues of blue and shades of gray are annoying the crap out of me.

Stay positive dammit! Just do it!

It's gonna work!

More Gifts

The time is getting closer. Each day that passes brings my husband closer to me.  I can't even believe it's almost been an entire year.  This year has shown me how much I've grown as a person in various ways. I've experienced a LOT of closure on so many things. I have experienced new beginnings, both good and challenging. I have experienced what it's like to be alone again. I've experienced independence again. It's refreshing. I couldn't have said that it is "refreshing" until now, though.  I held so much resistance for so long.  It's interesting how that works.  I am definitely in anticipation to re-learn what life will be like with my husband here again. It will not be as simple as some would think. I am so used to being alone now.

My husband sent me more gifts.  I had to make a trip down to our home, and in the mailbox was a package from his APO.  He went to Sea World at one point of his deployment, which I think is adorable, and he bought me a couple t-shirts, and a bracelet. How cute! The T-shirts are rather large...I kinda laughed when I tried them on. But they are super cute! I'm just thinkin'....wait until he gets a load of me. HAHA! I have seriously changed since he left, in so many ways. I am a total girly girl now. I'm not sure how he's going to react when he first sees me.

I've seriously been thinking about our reunion.  Our reunion family briefing was today at the same time I was working, so I could not go to it.  However, as I reflect, I remember that I did not cry at his departure ceremony.  My family did, though. I guess I was still in shock, because the tears came much later, plenty of them.  But when I see him...that's a whole other ballgame. I tear up every time I think of when we will be reunited again. Seriously, I do. I am in such anticipation; such hope for the future.

Jessy Wessy, HAHAHAHA!!  I was wondering which name he'd pick to write on this one. HAHAHA!

The Irony of Life as I Know it

Every single dream I've had for my life profession has come to fruition. All of the things I wrote about here in my blog came true. Literally.  I have been talking about so many things that I was looking for to comprise a single job that included all of my life passions.  Since I've started my position, I have become my program's designated photographer.  I will be travelling a lot with this position.  I will be doing presentations, helping high school students with every step of their educational journey from high school to college; I will be finding my student's jobs and internships, coordinating activities, both cultural and educational; I will be writing again to create quarterly newsletters. I will be using my Flairware Boutique business as a fundraising opportunity not only for myself but for my students as well. I seriously am the luckiest and most grateful person I could ever be. The irony of life as I know it is that dreams do indeed come true.  And there are positions out there that do allow every single skill a person possesses to be used in one single packaged deal.  Although it took some time to fall into place, I am blessed to know that all the waiting was totally worth it. Truly worth it.

The first week of my new position was challenging. I got sick with a fever and sinus infection by Wednesday. Icky! Booooo! Damn you, immune system! I went through an entire box of tissue, too. My poor nose hurts. haha! I pulled through though. I wasn't about to skip a beat. I had to work today, too; what an amazing experience! We honored our graduating senior's today. Tonight, I'm sure to fall out for sure.  Sleep is on my agenda.  I'm kind of exhausted.

I have tons of photos to edit.

God, I love this.

I'm SO thankful.

My Refuge...Found

I know what my refuge is...my job.

My parents came home. But not before all of the Midwest flooding got ahold of them. They had stories to tell about their big adventure. It seemed like it was a kind of renewal for them. I have hope.

We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Program

I slept 12 hours last night to catch up on the lack of sleep I've had this past week. Seriously. I haven't slept for 12 hours since my very first year of teaching back in 2005. How did I sleep 12 hours last night? Well...My parents ran away together. They just "went south" and are "not sure when they will return."  We are able to contact them via cell phone, though. Thank goodness.  After them telling me to help myself to their house, I decided that if I want to have some kind of rest, I would stay there.  There is nothing any of us can do about this whole situation other than taking care of ourselves.  In order for me to do so, I knew I needed sleep. I just didn't realize how much I would need.  I feel renewed today. Not fully renewed, but at least I got the sleep I've been lacking.

Normalcy, please?

The contents of my life currently reside within the dimensions of my oldest sister's spare bedroom.  The room is cluttered with years and years and years of life clutter. I am cramped. But it is now "home."

I didn't want to worry my husband, but he has to know what is happening. I was supposed to move in with my parents.  They are located literally 5 minutes from where my position will be, and they have the space upstairs, since they do not use that portion of their house.  However, my position requires a clear mind every single day because I will be serving our high school students that are transitioning into college.  I considered every single factor and felt that it was imperative to be in a healthy living environment to be at my best.  I cannot live with my parents and expect to "survive." With the demands of the position, and me giving the best of myself to my students, I cannot be within the current conditions and expect anything other than what they are dishing out to each other, with me in the middle as a dumping post.

After telling my husband of what we have experienced in the past few days, he is actually over there researching possibilities for me to have my own place up here in Fort Wayne. I cannot even begin to be more thankful for him realizing and considering that this position is permanent for as long as it possibly can be.  Can you believe that my husband is looking for a possible small condo for me? I can't believe it either.  But, the investment is probably ideal, with all things considered.

I have lived a whopping two days with my oldest sister. And I about freaked out from claustrophobia already. We are somewhat of a hoarding family, not as bad as you see on those insane television shows on TLC, though.  We have things that may be useful in the future even though they serve no purpose whatsoever.  This, along with being a teacher, proves to be problematic when trying to put the contents of my life in a bedroom.  Teachers are the worst. They hoard everything. From thumb tacks, to sticky notes, and old and outdated textbooks that may be useful for, I don't know, children from the 1960's.  hahaha!

I'd like to think that I have gone through the emotions that anyone would go through in this kind of predicament. I feel displaced, I feel like I'm in the way, I feel like I'm an inconvenience, I'm pissed, (God...I am feeling sorry for myself, and that is unacceptable.)  I have to make do with the space I have.  I have an entirely different lifestyle than both of my sisters.  I go to bed at 9pm every night. This girl needs and values her sleep.  Last night I went to bed at 9:30pm, and fell out to loud laughs, conversation, and a blaring television.

My refuge I have yet to find up here.  I just want to scream.

I MUST stay positive.

I haven't even started my position yet.  That comes on the 22nd. And I thank God for every extra minute I have to assist in this difficult transition so I can establish some kind of routine.

"Normal" Mental Health

The last two days have been the most devastating, horrific, heartbreaking days of my life. When it comes to my parents, I would be mortified if anything happened to them. After all, they are my parents.  My mom ran away and my dad kept quiet about it.  Call it women's intuition? or call it the forces that be, but we knew something was not right. When my sister found out that my mom ran away, she told me immediately, and I then told my oldest sister.  We were searching for a missing person at this point.

When we were children, she would normally run away, but often would return later the same day or night, with gifts for all of us. This was normal for us. So we ultimately thought that mom would return.  Little did we know that she packed her bags, and took her blankets and told my dad that she was leaving to stay at a women's shelter.

There's so many things about our childhood that makes this behavior "normal." However, throughout the years, we have seen our mother deteriorate by claiming that my dad was trying to kill her by way of somehow controlling the thermostat in their home which would therefore make my mom have an actual physical reaction by becoming icy cold, and three of her fingers would go white, and she would not be able to get warm.

The three fingers that would turn white on my mom are the fingers that my dad twisted and broke her tendons to then leave humongous knuckles.  My mom never got help to repair her fingers.  She never got help for the abuse, either.

My mom actually ran away. She took their van, packed a bag, blankets, and had supplies like water, bread, and other foods and actually planned to stay in the van at a truck stop. She lied about the woman's shelter. She lied about her staying at the truck stop, too.  She claimed she stayed at a "hotel," and after us asking her which hotel, she said she stayed at the "one down the street."

My parents are 67 years old going on adolescence; my mom is suffering probably from PTSD and schizophrenia, but my mother refuses to seek help because she says, "I am not sick, I don't need help."

Now that she is acting out, I realize that something HAS to be done. My job now is to educate myself as much as possible to brace myself for what is to come.  Mental illness is real. When you do not get help, you continue the cycle.  Some may not need help, but some do. Everyone is different. But my dad told me to back off. So, we are dealing with two people that will not cooperate. I am SO scared.

My mom has re-lived her trauma every single day since we were kids. She has good days and bad days, but she makes it clear that she is a victim of abuse.  She truly believes that all of the men in our lives that we are married to are trying to kill us as well.  Through her explanations, she is so convincing. Convincing enough to try to make us believe that she does not have a mental illness.

We met with a mental health professional yesterday. We now have the tools in which to understand what we are dealing with, and how to deal with it. This will not be a simple task. It is a task that will need nurturing, love, compassion, empathy, patience, and strength.

To say that I am emotionally and mentally exhausted is an understatement. Add in desperate, sad, upset, scared, and angry to the mix...and that may be an inkling as to what I'm still trying to pinpoint as my emotion. Is there even a single word for that?

Karma is a B#$%^...SOMETIMES

You know that "really ugly stuff" I mentioned a little ways back? Well...THAT was the kicker that started it all. If my husband hadn't been abusive with me about my lack of employment, I would not have gone into reactive mode the way I did. The result? Naturally, I immediately began applying for jobs in the Fort Wayne area out of desperation.  I had to find something to show him that it wasn't me!  I found some amazing jobs to apply for while on my search and applied to each and every possibility. Some I was under-qualified for, some I was qualified for, and some I was over-qualified for.  But they were all lovely representations of what JESSICA is all about.

The consequences? Well, they speak for themselves. He wanted me to get a job, so I did.  The jobs that are available are not local to where we currently live. As of today, there are still no permanent, full-time jobs knocking at my door here in Indy. And I am not about to set myself up for failure by applying to jobs that aren't prevalent nor applicable to my background as my husband so persistently tried to make me do. So, basically this is karma biting him in his ass for being abusive to me.  At least, that's how I partially see it.

I am seriously thrilled about this job. It is MY dream job. It is honestly what I have always wanted to do.  It is honestly where I've always wanted to work since I was a very young person growing up in Fort Wayne, Indiana. And, it has everything that I want and more, plus the flexibility within the position that ensures variety in each work day to keep it interesting.

I am definitely not and have never been vengeful. But karma sure is.

So..what does this mean for my marriage? Well...this is unknown at this point in time. I am going to live in Fort Wayne during the work week with my family, and then drive down to our home for the weekends.  Plus, my husband has guard drill once a month. So, that could mean a whopping two times out of a month I get to see him. However, there will be occasional work days on Saturday's with this position. So, who knows when I will see him.

All I can say is that this entire episode was a HUGE learning experience for me. I can't say that it was a huge learning experience "for the both of us" because I seriously do not know if he gets it. There are consequences to ALL of our actions. In all of this time alone, I have learned to think positive no matter what, and I have learned that I have to take care of myself in every single aspect of my life. I can't rely on anyone else but me, myself, and I.

Since I've become a military wife, I lost that independent, self-sufficient girl that used to exist. Being any part of the military is no picnic in my opinion.  People lose themselves.  I seriously do not know if it's just me that holds this viewpoint.  I told my husband once that from what I've seen and experienced, I understand why military wives are so depressed, on anti-depressants, jobless, not social, among other things.  I followed him, losing myself in the process. We hadn't been in a place long enough to establish a life anywhere.  We went from town to town and we went to different states.  I just couldn't put my feet in the ground anywhere to feel like I fit in and belonged.  It has been just a head spin.

Toward the beginning of our marriage, I remember clearly the day that I was offered a similar opportunity at the same place I will now work. He made me choose, one or the other, because of the distance of the job.  I remember like it happened yesterday. He was insecure about it affecting our marriage.  And I chose him and our marriage.  So I gave up that job.  Isn't it funny how I have come full circle and this job is present once more? This is fate telling me something.  He told me this time that he did not want me to feel like I had to choose.

And if that means a job that is a little over two hours away, well damnit, that's just what I'll do.

I mean, seriously, pass on an amazing job because it's not local? Who knows when and if a permanent job opportunity down here in Indy will present itself?  I am not about to be bullied again.

This is not my doing.  This is the beauty of life telling me which direction to go.

I'm taking one day at a time.



You Know How I Feel; I'm feelin' good.

Seriously?

Call me selfish or a bitch if you want to, hell...over-reactive, even. I don't care at this point what anyone thinks of me. I'm not interested in fitting in. If you don't like me, that's not my problem.  But, why is everyone making plans for vacation for me and my husband before he has even returned? Why is that? Do you really think I want to spend any time with anyone else other than my husband? When he returns, I will not have seen him for an entire year. Do you even understand what that means? Why the hell are you asking me if I want to par-take in something with anyone other than my own husband upon his return? Do you even understand the transition that has to take place?  I am not letting other people interfere in the re-development of our relationship! I am sick of other people calling the shots. SICK!  This is MY husband.  He has been gone from my life for an entire year. FUCK OFF!  ok...commence calling me selfish and a bitch now. Do you really think I care? Nope. Not one bit.

Everyone ALWAYS does that. Even before he left for deployment, everyone SUDDENLY had time for him and they all tried to take the last moments I had with him away from me. And that seriously pisses me off.  Let me spend time with my husband! If and when he wants to take off and visit others, he can do it; whatever he wants to do.  But don't make me plan something right now before he has even returned.  I will NOT be persuaded to spend my time any other way than the way I want to spend it with my husband.

Ok...I stepped off my soap box. Fit of pure fucking annoyance complete.

The Garage Door

 So...I didn't do this to my garage, but I wanted to. HAHA! 

So...my garage door has been giving me issues. It just up and broke. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with it either. It wouldn't close. I would go to close it, it would start closing, and then suddenly it would stop and go up. I would push it again, and it would close half way, and then stop and go right back up.  I'm not sure if it was the censors.  Which I suspect it wasn't, because I cleaned them off and made sure they were functioning correctly.  I had nothing in the way of the sensors, either. But I had to get my neighbor to help me out because this girl right here does not have the muscles nor a good back to do this by myself.  So, thankfully, my neighbor was able to manually close the door so I could travel home for Easter.  So, now...not only did I have my husband's car that took a dump, I had a garage door that took a dump as well. I was totally buggin'.

Fast forward two days.  I got instructions from my brother-in-law on the phone as to what to do, and by goodness it worked! My garage wanted to be impossible for me for some reason. Thankfully, I didn't have to call anyone to come out to fix it.  This girl right here is turning into a one woman Ms. Fix-it! Go me! Go me!

Was this my garage pulling an April Fool's prank on me?!

It's Time For a Jump!

I seriously hope my husband never finds out that I have neglected his car. So much so that it did not start up today when I went to start it up.  Yeah, it's been around 3 months since I last started it up. Don't judge! HAHA! Today, I can say that I have officially jumped a car all by myself! Problem is, is that it still didn't start. Woe is me. HAHA!

Why am I laughing? Well...because it's seriously funny! HAHAHAHA! This would totally happen. Of course.

UPDATE: I got her running! I charged her battery, and drove her around yesterday for a while. But a problem remains. I am hoping the battery charger did its magic overnight so it will start up on her own.  Just call me Ms. Mechanic Jess. HAHA! Ok...so, not a certified mechanic or anything like that...but I at least know how to put red to red and black to black AND I know how to plug in a plug to an outlet! HAHA!  ;o)~

The Coolest Thing To Have Happened

Not even in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would or could participate in a pinup contest.  THE Carmen Lee emailed me and said, "Wish you could come and be in the pinup contest that I'm running!"  The first thought that ran through my mind was...nahhhh, I couldn't! But after further consideration, I told myself, why the heck not?! Life is short! It's time to LIVE!! The event is on May 25th in Wisconsin.  By then I am hoping to have decided on my 50's vintage inspired ensemble   And I'm hoping I will have learned how to do victory rolls for my hair, or at least pin curls. Did I mention that I am obsessed with the 50's?? My wardrobe is literally ALL 50's vintage inspired.

KKAO Miss Northern Rose Pinup Contest

While I Wait; I COLLABORATE

As I'm waiting, I thought I might as well make a job for myself if I can't get one.  The right "job" just hasn't come along, and I refuse to let dust collect under my feet anymore.  I am putting my talents to work myself.  HMM! Take that, universe!

FLAIRWARE BOUTIQUE

UPDATE:

When I launched Flairware Boutique's Facebook page, and a main site where you can purchase my items, a beautiful person, Heidi, who has her own Etsy vintage clothing shop asked me if I would like to be a guest blogger for her blog.  So after collaborating together, we decided Flairware Boutique would have a giveaway for visiting her blog, and ultimately going to my Facebook page.  Here is the excerpt I wrote for her blog.  Check her out at: Heidi's Wanderings

Flairware Boutique Giveaway So a couple of months ago I went out to celebrate my friend Laura's birthday.

Laura

At this birthday celebration I met Laura's cousin Jessica.

Jessica

Jessica has an interest in 1950's vintage clothing, and she has great style, and a great personality. She also opened a new shop online called Flairware Boutique selling her magnificent flairware. Jessica is my guest poster for the day. Read on faithful followers for information on her magnificent giveaway.

Picture this: Hair song scene of the musical Hair.  People dancing all over the place, some people prancing around in a park outside as they whip their hair back and forth.  (You know, like those cheesy Herbal Essence shampoo commercials) Some people are in jail hanging from their cell bars while singing, “Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen,” fast forward to, “I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen, knotted, polka-dotted, twisted, beaded, braided, powdered, flowered, and confettied, bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!” Are you singing, yet?  HAHA!

I have had a long head of hair since I can remember. It’s been short, too.  Heck, it has literally tortured me for the latter of my life. I have had more than my fair share of tangles. I have even had my fair share of bad hair days and hair blunders. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.  It is just better to turn that hair frown upside down!

Along with my long hair, the 1950’s styles have always been a part of my life. I am obsessed with poodle skirts, wiggle dresses, and saddle shoes. The bows and hair flowers that I make are 50’s vintage inspired retro, rockabilly hair flair that I wear every day.  And what I thought was going to be a couple of hair flowers and a few hair bows for my hair ended up being an entire production and assembly line right in my very own living room. Thus, Flairware Boutique was launched.

Come and “like” me on my Facebook Flairware Boutique page at:www.facebook.com/FlairwareBoutiqueA fan from my Facebook Flairware Boutique page will be chosen for a giveaway. You will be able to choose ANY one item from my boutique, FREE! Let the giveaway begin!! ANY item in stock, to one random fan who "like", reposts, or comments "pick me", each counts as separate entry with another chance to win. Look for what you will want if you win here: http://flairwareboutique.yolasite.com/

But you have to visit and follow the rules by 3/18/2013 at noon EST. So hurry up and visit her page.

Happy to report: Flairware Boutique made its first out of state sale yesterday! And I am SO thankful for the lovely support!


UPDATE #2:

I am sponsoring two really big events in May; one in Fort Wayne, Indiana the other in Wisconsin. I am seriously thrilled.

The Really Ugly Stuff

When I graduated back in August, and I think my husband would agree, I thought that I would have no issue with finding a job with my newly acquired credentials.  Little did we both know, I would still be searching for something that has not come, to this very day.  With this situation comes certain consequences.  With this joblessness comes unforeseen marital issues.  I do not pretend that this deployment has been a good situation for my marriage.  I do not pretend that I am ok with everything, either.  The attitude that has recently possessed me due to my joblessness has possessed my husband, too.  I think his attitude has deteriorated faster simply due to his complete immersion of the current situation that he has to live through each day.

At this point of the deployment, there are many changes that are occurring that I have recently learned about.  Currently, there are divorces happening right now as we speak.  It seems pretty horrible when a soldier has to experience divorce and divorce paperwork while deployed. But, it's true. Spouses cheat and somehow this news becomes the latest gossip of the brigade.  My husband, naturally, was included in learning about this highly sensitive and extremely personal information, whether he wanted to know about it or not.  Now, given the circumstances surrounding his deployment, he is inevitably immersed in this negativity, head first.  And his anxiety about this situation led him to react in the only way that would naturally be the result of his environment: he would punish HIS spouse.

I seriously thought that he did not want me around any longer when he accused me of still being "suspiciously" unemployed. I was accused of being a liar at any and all efforts I've made to look for a job. I was now enemy #1.  I seriously started packing my things, thinking that I was no longer wanted because why would someone keep me around if all I was doing was just sitting in the house all day, doing absolutely nothing and making no effort to look for employment, as if that was what I was doing.  He demanded I email all of my rejection letters to him for analysis.  What else can a rejection letter say other than you weren't selected for the job? OMG, what the hell was happening!?

I am not and have never been a freeloader. I have truly been devoted to a partnership since I married my husband. But at that point in time,  I instantly became the woman in Kanye West's Gold Digger song.

I think that if I had a job, something else would have been the target of this abuse.

Pure shock initiated my grieving process.  This was because I did not learn of the latest happenings of the brigade until a couple of days later. After this incident, I didn't talk to my husband. I simply went into reactive mode. And I ask you, who else would still feel loved? Who else would want to stay? Who else would think what happened was ok? Certainly not me. I felt as if my worth as a spouse was no longer about love and devotion but instead, a monetary value.

Soul searching would have to follow. Do I let my ego get in the way and leave? Just let this destroy the relationship? Or do I let what happened be an invaluable learning experience?

I love my husband. I just don't like what he did. As if I didn't already feel the way I do because I haven't found any permanent, full time work.  My support system, the person that is supposed to be encouraging, caused me to doubt myself even more.  I later explained to him, what happens between us is exclusive to us and us alone. What happens between other couples is their business, and has nothing to do with us. But somehow, for my husband, it had everything to do with us.  We have been through so much together at this point. We have been through some scary shit, some bullshit, and some shit. But this deployment brought about an abusive doubt that instantly plagued our beautiful world, and it managed to break my spirit. I was devastated to say the least.

I refuse to be negative about this situation anymore because I know that if I continue to send out negative energy, that is exactly what I will receive in return. No job will hire me as a result of this negative energy. I truly believe this. Any and all opportunities that I thought would come to be, have not.

The foundation that we worked so hard to build, crumbled so very quickly.  It is now our job to make any and all efforts to build it back up again. There are SO many ugly things that deployment may include. It's not just the agenda of war. It's so many other things; personal things, exclusive to each couple. The challenge is to preserve the love that has been put on hold, endure separation, uphold trust and loyalty, and pray to God that with the time we have apart, we still mean the world to each other throughout the entire process.

Valentine's Day - A Happy Day Anyway

Now, I'm not really a mushy person. I don't make homemade Valentine's day cards out of red construction paper and glue. I don't have Valentine's day stickers or multi-colored ribbon. I don't have glitter in various primary and fluorescent colors! I just don't do that....<<giggling>>...Shoot, who am I kidding? yes, I am, and yes I do. HAHA! This year, however, my hubby is away. So, the closest thing I got to being romantic was a care package of all things vomited of Valentine's day heart and cupidy goodness. HAHA! And, the hubster managed to make me feel special on this day too, even though he is away.

Today we Skyped, and he told me he was almost finished eating all of the Valentine's chocolate I sent him. When I think of it, I can just picture him chomping on a heart shaped chocolate bar in front of the other soldiers; I just die.  HAHA!  He got a kick out of the heart shaped gum ball dispenser filled with gumballs I sent to him, too.  I'm seriously laughing as I type this.

We can all still regress every once in a while, and be little kids at heart.  Valentine's day, for me, is the perfect time to be a kid again.

Superbowl Sobbing

I am not usually a sucker for commercials. I don't cry at the Folgers coffee commercials where the son comes home from studying abroad in college and his parents wake up to the smell of freshly brewed Folgers coffee. But damnit, this one just got me, and it got me hard. And might I add, this is not because I am a poor sap who is incapable of doing anything on her own and is so dependent on her husband. It's not because I enjoy boo hoo hoo'ing either. It's because he is my best friend.

He HAS been missed, he HAS been needed, he HAS been cried for, he HAS been prayed for, and he HAS been the reason I push on.

"We wait. We hope. We Pray. Until you're home again." -Oprah

JEEP Superbowl Commercial

The American Red Cross - Coping With Deployment

The American Red Cross now offers an online version of its Coping with Deployments course, which is designed to promote resilience in families supporting the military deployment of a loved one. The free online course aims to help military families handle the challenges and opportunities that come with a family member’s deployment. It is a learning tool to offer emotional support to those in need and how to build resiliency during the deployment process. These are skills that people can use in many life situations.

In the course, you will learn how to:

• Define psychological resilience
• Explain the practices that strengthen psychological resilience
• Define Psychological First Aid (PFA)
• Describe PFA actions
• Explain developmental factors that influence how children react to stress
• Describe symptoms of stress in children
• Explain when to seek assistance rather than to apply PFA
• Identify likely symptoms of deployment cycle stress for four major age groups: infants, preschool, school-age, and high school
• Explain the ten tips for helping children build resilience
• Help children cope with the stressors in their lives by providing them with PFA
• Describe when it is appropriate to seek a referral or check for available resources
• Identify agencies that can help with seeking resources
• Describe options for making a referral to a mental health professional
• Know what to do when concerned about a person doing possible harm to themselves or others

It definitely IS informative. It gives you information that you may need at a later time for future reference.  They have included different scenarios during deployment and how to deal with them. It basically reads like a users manual. I realize that I gain more insight and comfort with personal accounts instead of "how-to" instructional type handbooks.  Real accounts allow it to become more of a personal connection with someone who has experienced the same things. 

Naturally, the last thing I want is for some person who claims to be a "friend" to throw my experience in my face and tell me to basically, "suck it up" because everyone has it hard. It's cruel and extremely insensitive.  It is just as emotionally disconnected as these manual type reads for me.

I do want to mention that our national organizations are certainly stepping up to make sure that military families are getting the services they may need during deployments. Deployments are not easy. It is a huge step forward in the right direction. It's not simply a family briefing day anymore to attempt to prepare us for what is to come. There are so many resources that are available now-a-days, and I am so thankful for all of them, no matter how reader manual-like they are. I know that they are helping so many people with these efforts.

With Age Comes Perspective?

I had to make a quick addition to my post for today.  The counseling, on top of the time I have had alone, has awarded me the best possible gifts that any girl, who feels lost, can ask for. The answers have come. I have been crying since early this morning, in small increments; thinking about my parents. All they've ever wanted was for us to be happy.

A person has a choice to hold resentment for the way things used to be, as horrible as they may have been, and as horrible as they may continue to be. And it is SO difficult to overcome, especially if a person does not have the proper tools in which to overcome it all.  But today, I choose not to hold onto it anymore.  Some people don't have the luxury of examining their lives to realize why a seemingly meaningless trigger would make a person angry for no reason.  My mom told us, so many times, throughout our lives, to hold on to the things that we love about them, both mom and dad, and push aside the things that we don't.  Up until today, I didn't exactly know what that truly meant.  It was all abstract to me.  But being able to piece it all together gave me a profound appreciation for my parents unlike I've ever felt for them before.

I feel guilty for feeling so much contempt and resentment.  I love them both so much. And it's overwhelming. The tears have been steady throughout the day. I am so happy. I am happy that I have found my parents even within the pits of hell.  I may not be able to change anything, I may not be able to get them out of their hell, I may not be able to change how they treat each other, etc. But I can change my way of thinking. I will love and cherish them more today than I ever have, and from now on.

I started off my day by telling my parents today that I love them both, so very much. And today, I truly, to the core of my being, mean it, with all of the compassion and empathy I can possibly have for the two people that have tried so hard to make a better life for me and the rest of my family.  I KNOW they did the BEST they could with the cards that they were dealt.

A girlfriend of mine recently said that she was shocked that I am so loving after all of the things that happened to me. She said she had no idea. I don't like to deny the things that happened. But I prefer to keep them close to my memory bank only, to remember what life used to be like in my previous relationships that were modeled so expertly from the example I had from my parents.  Even during my undergrad, I professionally hid the fact that I was being abused by a bully who claimed he loved me. But that's a whole other story that is much, much worse than what I mention here. I remain thankful for choosing to stop the cycle of abuse.

I told my parents yesterday that at 32, I am living by a new life motto: "The biggest risk is not taking any at all."  And right now, I could fly.

Happy Birthday To Me

Now, I am not a crazy person when it comes to my birthday.  I don't really want to have huge parties or make a big deal about it either.  I like simple. I don't like complicated.

My twin sister and I are considered, "miracle babies."  My dad made my mom have her tubes tied, burned, crimped, and all of the necessary nips to ensure pregnancy would not ever happen again. They had three children already; family complete, right? WRONG! After my mom had the procedure done, out popped two more, identical twins, over a decade later.


Not having my husband here left me to be on my own with the birthday festivities of my choice.  I decided to be spontaneous and took myself to a Wine and Canvas the night before my birthday.  I learned how to work with acrylic paint, sort of.  It was an awesome experience.  A large group of women "adopted" me to be part of their group of laughs, giggles, moans, and groans at how horrible our paintings were coming out and how fast the instructor was going.  I did mention WINE, right?! Well, yes, wine was involved, and that made the experience quite hilarious.  If the instructor had gone any slower, we would have been there until the following week!

A number of weeks before my birthday, my twin sister and I discussed possible ideas for our celebration. She wanted a HUGE party, I wanted a quiet, intimate dinner at a nice restaurant; just her and me.  The compromise? A HUGE party.  The forces that be had me cringing. But, things unraveled, my sister got sick, and we had to cancel the party.  Huge party averted.  My sister spent the weekend before our birthday, recovering.  Next road block? My sister got a jury duty summons. Damnit! I want to be with my sister for my birthday! She got a call the day before our birthday and found out that jury duty was cancelled. We would actually be together for our birthday. AND, we had the quiet dinner that I really wanted, too. Perfect.

Look at what my hubby sent me for my birthday! Don't worry...no sand included. haha! I missed the Edible Arrangements guy by literally minutes yesterday, but got this early this morning.  Breakfast served.

I feel ok about not having my husband with me for my birthday. I know that he is doing ok. He had to travel recently, and there are less restrictions for him where he is located right now. Thankfully, this change of pace came at the right time.  It is what he needed and it was delivered. Things ironically have gone exactly the way they need to. I am beyond thankful.

The overseas connections are not as reliable where he is located right now. Unfortunately, I didn't get to really talk to my husband for my birthday.  I got to hear his voice on the phone once. However, he managed to text me on my phone. We texted a number of times back and forth, these two texts made me smile, "Hi baby! How's my birthday girl?" and "I miss you chuckles, I miss you!"

Did I mention that my husband has zillions of pet names for me? It's seriously hilarious. One day I'm baby, but the next day, I'm baby chuckles, buckle butts, you name it, it's my pet name. haha! Where he comes up with the names are within the depths of his goofy mind. And I absolutely adore it. After a procedural roll of my eyes, of course.

I Love A Man In Uniform

It took me nearly two weeks to actually open this book in fear that the author would not have experienced the same hells that I have, in fear that I would not connect to her story, wondering if she would spout how wonderful an experience it is to be a military wife.  I don't want fluff pieces. I felt like In These Boots, however helpful, was a fluff piece that I most certainly did not want to listen to again because it was not the kind of "deep" that I would completely appreciate or connect to.  I don't want fluff, I want real. I want the good, the bad, the ugly. I want to know that I am not alone in my experiences as a military wife.  I have experienced so many emotions.  Many of them have ultimately made me question whether I am actually an adult, believing that only children experience such fits, episodes, and questionable behavior.

(Denial.  All denial.  I knew that what she would have to say would be real.)

Seriously, what the hell was I thinking? Lily Burana has a PUG dress named after her. When I discovered that she was an integral part of PUG, I knew that this would be a woman of reason.  I should have began reading sooner.  But there was a reason for that; A deeper reason for me not beginning to read it.  It simply stared at me each day.  I put it in areas of my house and it reminded me daily what a cowardly lioness I was for not actually picking it up to read its contents each time I saw it.

I didn't pick up this book because, on the contrary to what I previously stated, I knew that she would be truthful, open, real; and that scared the shit out of me. But I knew I had to read it. Finally, I would be reading the real, no holds barred, truth about the military wife experience from her perspective.

As I turned the pages, I felt like I was reading about myself so many times, in so many different ways, crying as I read about similar experiences to my own life story, laughing out loud at experiences that I most definitely had myself.  There were so many similarities, it was just uncanny.

And in all honesty, I was so reluctant to continue reading further once her husband returned from serving overseas. I had related to almost everything she shared about her experience up to that point that there was a panic that came over me. There is a fear that I believe every military spouse will go through. It's the fear of the aftermath. The fear of what is to come.  A transition that will most definitely take place.  The unknown.

Lily Burana is my sister.  A military wife that faced the unthinkable but inevitable with the love of her life and survived to live another day.  She is a hero, one of mine at that, because she didn't hold back from telling her truth, as dark as it may have been, and as difficult as it still may be.  Being deployed is only one piece of the puzzle to a very complicated life prescribed by Uncle Sam.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.  This is a phrase that I will most definitely be using with my husband from now on. I know for a fact that he will laugh his ass off when I do.

Rediscovering Two

My husband had once asked me if I have slept on his side of the bed at all since he's been gone.  I replied with, no.  I have his side of the bed with clean, freshly washed sheets, and nicely made. Not Military standard, that's for damn sure, but still, made with love. The only thing I didn't mention to him is that as the months have passed, his side of the bed became a free for all for my clothes, pillows, small boxes of items, etc. I kept piling clean clothes and other items on top of his bed, because my lack of motivation to fold my clean laundry or put things away, kept me from having to constantly see his side of the bed, not being slept in.  It became a kind of comfort for me to just pile things on top.  At one point I had to start pushing things over because I had one too many things on top of his side of the bed.  But, today, for whatever reason, I began taking things off, one item at a time, to rediscover two.

I talked to my husband today on the phone for a lengthy conversation that lasted for almost an hour, with various weak connection interruptions that did not seem to bother me in the least.  I was reunited with the best friend that had left back in August. Hope restored.

Heart to Heart with Mom

Last night I had a lengthy heart to heart with my mom.  This is something that I haven't done and did not intend to do because of the relationship that we have.  I love my mom to infinity, but there are so many things that I wish had not happened from my childhood that will probably happen well into the future.  (Only now, I know better, and I know how to react). When you grow up in a world of abuse, you don't know that the world around you, is completely different.

I explained to her that it's been difficult lately with my husband and with looking for a job. My mom then proceeded to tell me last night that I should not be posting pictures of myself in my beautiful PUG dresses on FB. She said that my husband could be extremely jealous and be going crazy and that the reason my husband is "extremely depressed" is because of me. Right away, I dismissed what she had to say. I was choked up in tears because the thought of me having to give up the only positive thing I have in my life right now would be devastating.  I cannot give up my community. The women that I have been around have been the only positive thing I have had since my husband's departure; since the beginning of my life for that matter.  They are a family; and a good one at that.

I realize that my mom does want the best for me, but her distorted way of looking at things, at life, at love, at self-image were all totally fucked when she got married at 18. Alcoholism, depression, abuse, both emotional and physical, what we saw as children, never to understand, we only considered all of what happened to be the right thing, the right path to take. That is the ONLY option we thought we had; To follow the same path; because that is the only thing we had a model for.  Any and all other examples were simply abstract.  How the hell I got a high school diploma, a Bachelor's degree, and a Master's degree is left to the miracle of God's assistance at this point.

A rebel with a cause!

Now I understand why I do not and will not return to the classroom. But that's an entirely different story.

Dazed and Confused

Why is it that I don't get to talk to my husband for a lengthy period of time, and then when I do...he doesn't listen. What is the point in calling me? Seriously. What is the point?  Why have a conversation? Just a hi and bye is sufficient. No, seriously. After the way I have been feeling with this whole job thing, I don't know what kind of person to expect anymore on the other end.

Why is it that my husband thinks it's ok to post on his newsfeed, "I'm extremely depressed" and doesn't follow up with me whatsoever, just to worry me and everyone else around him? Seriously. What's the point?

I suppose at this space and time I feel like this is nothing but a business transaction. No communication. Just two people who knew each other once. This is getting rediculous.  I think the reason for this is because the lack of job that I'm so desperately in need of right now to feel normal.  And normal in the sense that there is a place, any place, that does see me as a person with value.

I try to be hopeful every day.  But day in and day out of rejection by way of rejection letters, in email no less, and then pressure from the person that's supposed to be supportive in a way that would bring some kind of comfort, and turns out is not, it wears on your emotions.

I guess all that matters is that I'm doing my best.  And all I have to give is my best. Maybe an employer will eventually see that.

I want to think that he is my best friend again. I so desperately want to think that he is my best friend.

Since August, I have been looking for a job hardcore. I have gotten ONE interview. ONE! And I don't like it when they interview you and make it seem as if there is hope for me, when there is no intention of going any further.  Who does that?! WTF!

Job

I am literally aching to put my skills to work.  It's like I'm dying a slow and torturous death, not being able to fulfill the potential I know I have.  Day after day, I get rejection letters left and right. I am "aggressively" looking for work in good 'ol Indiana, but there is nothing to be had. I'm literally competing with all of the people that don't have jobs right now who have ten times more experience than I do.  The icing on the cake is that my husband is literally down my throat about me getting a job. It's all he asks about when we email each other.  I literally HATE talking to him right now.  He makes me feel so inadequate along with all of these rejection letters that are just piling on top of me, taking over my inbox. Fuck you inbox! I want good news!

Even my counselor tells me to get a job. Well...it's not that simple, because I've tried. Even Macy's wouldn't hire me.  Just let me be a fluff and fold girl, damnit! I don't care at this point!

I even took off my Master's degree from my damn resume! I've re-done my resume several times.

I called the military employment coordination program too. They are currently helping me.

I've been applying for anything and everything. The only thing I wont do is teach in a school system.

There comes a time when you are forced to come to terms with yourself. In this time away from my husband, I am learning about myself, perhaps for the first time in my life. I know what I want, and I know who I am.  FINALLY! It's about damn time!

It's NOT about the money! It's NEVER been about the money, either. I WANT happiness and fulfillment in a job that I feel is going to make me happy, have meaning, and a purpose.

Right now...fuck all that! I just need an income so my husband will stop applying to things on my behalf without telling me about it, and submitting my old and outdated resume to people, thinking he's doing me a service, a favor. This has me SO fucked up right now, it's not even funny.  ABUSE is a word that comes to mind.

I wonder if this is a preview of upcoming attractions. Yippee, where's the popcorn? I need a front row seat for this shit.

Weighted Confession

Yes. I have gained weight. 10 pounds to be exact...or, at least, the last time I checked it was 10 pounds.  I stopped checking.  This is probably one of the most sensitive topics I could ever talk about here.  Weight has ALWAYS, and I do mean always, been in the forefront of my life. To tell you that I've been obsessed with my weight since I was a young person is an understatement. My mother told me at my Master of Education graduation in August, "You look good now, but if you were to lose more weight, you would look better." Statements like these throughout the years of my life led me to become anorexic, bulemic, and everything else in between. Body dismorphic disorder ran rampant with me throughout my life, and I still struggle with it today on my down days. 

I realize where my mom was coming from. Certainly, when someone says something like that to you, it can either go one of two ways: bring you up to strive to do better, or bring you down. With me, it brought me down. I never felt like I was good enough because the topic of my weight was a constant thing.  Any and all efforts I made to lose weight with regular comments like these made me feel hopeless.

So, needless to say, this deployment has put me in touch with all of these feelings once again, unwelcomed, of course.

These Boots

After my episode last week, I wanted to take proper steps, better steps, with better effort, to learn how to cope.  When I called Military One Source and was enrolled into counseling, she told me about the free access we have to get materials and items that would help with the deployment experience.  She recommended I order the DVD, These Boots, A Spouse's Guide to Stepping up and Standing Tall During Deployment.  The information is invaluable. I would recommend this DVD to any and all other military spouses. 

It would be great if all of our reactions to deployment would be the same, so we can better handle ourselves as we trek through the period of time.  But this is totally unrealistic.  My problem was, was that I kept my problems to myself, I did not admit that there was a problem.  But once I had my episode, I reached out. There was no other way for me.  The DVD states: "The smart woman accepts help when it's offered, and the wise woman asks for it."

I need to be easier on myself.

Things I have learned from the DVD:
1.  Tell my husband what I want from him while he's deployed.  (I tell my husband that I need reassurance. And as soon as I did, he reassured me.)

2.  The science of waiting: unoccupied time seems longer, waiting alone is worse than waiting with companions.

Military Health Issues

I was thrilled when Emily Walsh emailed me to ask if she could be a guest writer on my blog.  There are so many things that I have considered and have been considering about myself and my own experiences since my husband left.  I have been reflecting, trying to understand myself, and life, in general. I have been terribly worried about my husband regularly. I know what I have been going through, but have no idea what my husband is going through or how he is handling our separation.  Like I have said before, we take one day at a time.  I know that he has been upset with things occurring over there, he has had bad days; but he doesn’t talk about it. There are other things that we may not immediately consider as health issues specific to being a member of the military. Her piece made me think about other things that will be extremely helpful to be informed about for future reference that I would not have known about without her information.  I feel that this information can inform all of the military families on how to prepare ourselves for the future.  These are some of the "unknowns" of military deployment.

Military Health Issues

Serving in the military is a very rewarding experience, but it does contain many challenges and presents many health risks to the individuals.  One of the most obvious risks that military personnel face is the life-threatening conditions that occur when the person is at war.  While this is the most obvious health risk that an individual may face, there are many others that many people do not think about.  If these health problems are not addressed, they could potentially cause future health problems.

Stress
One of the leading health concerns of military personnel is stress.  Most stress issues do not cause drastic problems when they first occur; in fact, some stress is actually good for the military personnel.  For example, some stress issues can allow the person to be more alert during high stress events.  Stress begins to cause problems when it has occurred over a period of time.  This is known as chronic stress.  Chronic stress can cause problems for a person both physically and mentally.  Chronic stress can affect a person physically by causing him or her to have weight issues or high blood pressure.  On the other hand, chronic stress can affect a person mentally by possibly causing him or her to have mood swings or go into deep depressions.  Therapists note that the best way to relieve stress is to do stress relieving exercises.  These exercises could include cardio workouts, breathing exercises, or strength training exercises.

Exposure
A second way military personnel may endanger their health is by being exposed to different chemicals.  Some of these chemicals may include asbestos, and asbestos is the number one cause for mesothelioma (treatment info).  Many people experience other lung problems after being in a battle.  With so many battles taken place in desert countries, military personnel are often inhaling a lot of dust caused from the sand.  Inhaling the dust can cause the individuals to have allergy problems, asthma problems, or even tuberculosis.  The best way to prevent this problem is to wear a mask.  Military personnel are fortunate to have the masks needed to prevent individuals from inhaling asbestos particles and getting mesothelioma or other diseases.

Infectious Disease
A final health hazard for military personnel is infectious diseases.  In a battle, there are so many people occupying such small areas.  When this happens, everyone is breathing the same air; furthermore, this air could be carrying the bacteria of so many diseases.  Also, many of the countries in which our military fight do not have vaccinations for the diseases; this means that more people in the country will have the disease, and our military men and women may be at greater risk of getting the disease.  If the individual takes the necessary precautions, he or she will also protect him or herself from unwanted illnesses.

Serving in the military is a great profession.  If an individual joins the military, he or she knows that there will be many rewarding benefits.  

Emily Walsh

Community Outreach Director

Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance

http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/emily/

Christmas Eve

The contents of the box.

I think that any and all doubts that I previously had about whether or not my husband still has the same feelings for me that I do for him can now be eliminated. The reason I say this is because I opened the box that my husband sent me for Christmas.  Its contents consisted of pashmina and polyester scarves, among other things.  I cannot even believe it, either. I did not realize that he knew about or understood my style.  I thought that we would, as time progressed, become distant, disconnected, which is perhaps my biggest fear as husband and wife.  But, as crazy as it sounds, I seriously believe that we are both learning more about each other this way: being apart.  I think we have both become more mindful of each other, more than what we were before, and I did not even know that could be possible.  I did not think I could possibly love and cherish him more.

Don't get me wrong, I will probably still feel elements of insecurity now and then, for various reasons. I think it just comes with the territory. But as I sit here, I am comforted as best as I can possibly be with my husband being away during what I believe to be one of the most important holidays.  

I wrote the first two verses of All I Want For Christmas on my husband's Facebook wall, "All I want for Christmas is you." And Santa heard my wish. God delivered.  Technology did not fail us today.  Skype allowed us to be together for the holiday.




Yep...he's being a goof ball here. HAHA!

We did goofy faces together, and regular smiles together, too.
Different sides of the world, different time zones.



Countdown to Christmas

Christmas is probably the most important holiday for me because of the memories that resonate with this time of year.  I remember when I was a little girl, preparing to go outside to play in the snow; I would be bundled up just like the little boy in A Christmas Story, to where he couldn't put his arms down. Just imagining that poor little boy whining that he couldn't put his arms down due to the amount of bundle he was bundled, makes me laugh out loud. 

My heart is broken for various reasons. I was reassured by four counselors (YES! four) that the way I am feeling is ok to feel.  I thought I was wrong for feeling the way I do. I feel alone, paralyzed.  I've been overreacting, I've been isolated. I scared myself so profoundly because I had suicidal thoughts. I felt incredibly guilty at one point because of all of the efforts I had made to cope, just weren't enough. The bottom line is that I am, in fact, alone; in the physical sense. I am in my house, by myself, without children or pets.  So it's day in and day out of lonliness, without a job to secure a regular routine. And I learned that it's ok for me to feel this way. I can feel this way for however long I want. BUT! Who wants to feel like this for any length of time?! Certainly not me.
 

My Christmas Gift

One of the various reasons my heart is broken is because of this package. My baby bear (yeah, I'm calling him a bear right now because he's been working out really hard, and when we Skype, his arms look HUGE!) sent me a Christmas present. He's serving our country, and he's sending me gifts.  He told me that I cannot open it until Christmas. I am here, anxiously waiting to open it out of sheer curiosity of what he could have possibly sent me.

I have been making short home videos for my husband so he can feel a part of the Christmas spirit in our house. I want him to know that I am ok even though I am not. I don't want him to worry about me when he has so many other things that must occupy his time.  He told me in an email: "I love the Christmas videos at the house you made and posted on my page on FB! They are so cute!" This really made my day...no, it really made my Christmas. (And as I add this in my post, I'm choking back tears, swallowing the lump in my throat, happily bittersweet).
 

The invaluable advice that was given to me thus far was as follows:
*1. Get your butt up to Fort Wayne to see your family for Christmas.
2. Create a regular routine anyway.
3. Talk regularly to family and friends, whether in person or on the phone. (It's better in-person)
4. Do what makes you happy to pass the time; live your passion.
5. Continue talking about your emotions. (I feel like this blog is essential right now, my outlet).

Suicide Prevention

Today was an overwhelming day. I cried during most of it. I discovered that there is a whole other realm of thoughts that can creep into a person's mind if they are not careful.

I had to call the National Crisis Hotline tonight. This is why I am still awake, writing about it. The wonderful counselor that got me through my episode I will forever be greatful to. She is my angel. I realize, only after speaking with her, that I have been dealing with a lot lately, and that I'm dealing with it a lot better than what I thought I was. Wow! The much needed perspective. Certainly, I will need to have a regular dose of perspective.  It was recommended, too. 

I am not a weak person, but I do not pretend to be ok with all of this. I can't and I won't. I will not sit by and claim my life is full of roses and candy because it's not. This is real. And these are real emotions.

I will be seeing a counselor regularly.


This number is not just for veterans, it is for
military families as well.
They WILL help you.

Do not be ashamed if you need help. I refuse to be.